I spend entirely too much time looking for things.
Don’t ask me what I’m looking for, because I have no idea. Which is probably part of the problem. It’s just a general sort of looking. Waiting. Wondering when “it” is going to come along.
But what the hell is it anyway? To get philosophical here, I think ‘it’ is the thing we invent to convince ourselves that we aren’t actually happy. The “if only I had this, then everything would be perfect” aspect of our lives.
It is the right job. The right person. The right house. The right lifestyle. Whatever society tells us we have to have in order to create the perfect life. Because you couldn’t possibly be happy without all of these things.
We’re always looking for something more, aren’t we? But the thing is, there is no guarantee that it, whatever it is, will make you happy. Because once you find it, you’ll just find something else to look for. Sort of a vicious cycle, isn’t it?
Rather than trying to be happy in our current situation – to live in the moment – we instead seem to look for reasons to be unhappy. “There is something that could make this better. And that thing is what I want.” And I wonder why we do that. There is certainly nothing wrong with pursuing what makes you happy, but there’s also a point at which the very thing you’re pursuing becomes the one thing standing in the way of your happiness.
As for me? I think I’m afraid to stop looking for “it”. Maybe because I’m afraid that happiness equates with complacency, and complacency is the one feeling I could never stand. But those are two different things, in the end. Because happiness isn’t settling, it’s just looking around you and realizing that a wonderful sort of joy has entered your life. It doesn’t mean that you stop trying to better yourself or your life – it just means that you understand there isn’t one “thing” that would make it all perfect. Life, with all of it’s imperfections and road blocks and detours, should make us happy simply because we are able to live it. A constant adventure.
Sometimes I think that if we just stopped and took a look around, we might realize we’re happy already.
And wouldn’t that be something.