Have you ever been tragically hurt in a relationship? Are you a wounded and fragile ball of trust issues? Do you walk around lamenting that you’ll never fall in love again because you just can’t take the pain?
Suck it up, cupcake.
I’ve talked about this before, but I feel the need to revisit it. And yes, this will be some tough love. But here’s the thing.
Being messed up does not make you special or unique. It makes you human. It’s the amazing, wonderful things about yourself that make you unique. And yet for some reason, people constantly present the messiness as who they are.
“I’m just so screwed up. I don’t understand how you could ever like me.”
Well, obviously, it’s because we’re all screwed up. This is not new. This is humanity. But why present it that way? Why not realize all the qualities you have that a person can like. And if you can’t think of any qualities – honestly can’t – then it’s time to revisit your self esteem and figure out how to nurture a healthy self-image (which, incidentally, you deserve to have).
It just gets so old to hear people saying over and over “I’ve been hurt before. I can’t take it again.” Because the truth is, you probably can take it again. You’re not swearing off love. Who are we kidding. You’re just caught in an awkward phase of not wanting a relationship because you’re scared, but also being lonely and wanting a person around. And I’m with you there. It sucks.
But get over it.
If something truly awful has happened to you, then take the time you need to get to a healthy emotional place. Hell, even if something not so awful has happened you, you should still make sure you’re in a healthy emotional place. But don’t fall into the trap of self-pity and self-doubt just because it’s how society presents fictionalized love.
Self-loathing is not pretty or romantic. It’s sad and unhealthy. Period. And if you really do loathe yourself and you’re not just saying you do to play into a pity-party, then you should work on that, because you’re probably awesome (I promise). But if it’s just part of the pity party? Quit it. I assure you no one wants to go to that party for very long.
And for the love of all that is good, do not use the excuse of “I’ll just never get over him so I’m not even going to try.” It’s an excuse to pity yourself. It’s an excuse to believe that you’re weak. And you’re not. And hell, the person you’re meant to be with will actually want to be with you. So if you got dumped, the person who dumped you is obviously not the person you’re meant to be with. Telling yourself that you’re not even going to try to move on is like falling down the stairs and deciding to just lay there because there is no point in sitting up. It’s ridiculous.
So, the bottom line is that you’re awesome, and “wounded” is not a relationship platform. Focus on what makes you wonderful. Don’t lead with the tragic and fragile line. Hell, don’t even throw in the tragic and fragile line. Everyone has been tragic and fragile at some point.
Focus on what makes you different from everyone else.