So, Why Don’t You Have a Boyfriend?

A few nights ago I got together with a newly single blogger friend of mine. We had drinks, caught up, all that good stuff. And we got to talking about the age-old question – the question that you are bound to be asked if you’re a single woman at a bar. The question you’re bound to be asked at some point if any given man is hitting on you.

“So, why don’t you have a boyfriend?”

When a man asks me this, I’m always tempted to answer with something like “Oh you know, because I’m secretly a troll who lives under a bridge and only emerges to take the female form in shady bars in front of lucky men like you.”

I mean, I don’t know, man, why don’t you have a girlfriend?

I’m not entirely sure what a man expects the answer to this question to be. Because I was waiting for you, hot stuff? Because I’m secretly psychotic despite my seemingly normal personality? Because I only look good in this specific light and am hideous otherwise?

It’s not that this question bears any ill will, but after awhile it just gets frustrating. The implication behind the question is that I must surely be in search of a boyfriend because I am a young woman without one, and furthermore I will no doubt be grateful that a prospective mate is standing in front of me now.

Don’t get me wrong, being single is rough sometimes. But I’m single by choice. I don’t have a boyfriend because I have chosen not become the girlfriend of any of the men I’ve gone out with over the past few years. Because – now here’s the shocking part – I don’t want a boyfriend just to have a boyfriend. The single life isn’t worth giving up for that. I’ve got standards, and I don’t intend to sacrifice them for the simple sake of having someone to grope on a regular basis. I don’t think it’s odd to hold out for someone who has his life together and treats me well. That does not seem outrageous to me. But more to the point, my life is pretty fantastic right now. I’m happy as I am. Honestly, I don’t think a person can ask for any more than that. When I look at my life, I don’t see anything I want to change.

So, random guy trying to chat me up at the bar: That is why I don’t have a boyfriend.

And no, you cannot touch me there. 

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