1. Everyone is probably out to get you. Realize this early on, and prepare accordingly. Trust no one.
2. Always be ready with a witty retort. You want to be the Tyrion Lannister of your social circle.
3. If you can’t find your friend, he or she is either having sex or bludgeoning someone with a medieval object. Do not intervene if the latter is occurring. Consider intervening if the former is occurring, depending on your level of interest.
4. Feeling some sexual tension with a friend or acquaintance? Drag it out. Look at each other a lot. Do nothing. Share a loaded word or two. Look at each other. Do nothing. Repeat.
5. Eventually, get with the aforementioned friend. This will appease all others in your social circle (aka your fans).
6. Always send ravens. Otherwise you’ll never know what the hell is going on with people.
7. Consider unorthodox careers. How about Fire Priestess?
8. Every time you find a large rock, stick it in a fire. This is how you will eventually find a dragon, and dragons are very useful.
9. Never go for the king. He will always be a douche.
10. Stop trying to rule shit. It won’t end well for you.