I’ve forgotten what it feels like to write.
I write everyday for my job – that’s what I’m paid to do, that’s how I make my living. I create print ads and digital ads and commercials and radio spots. You can hear my voice on the radio in Canada right now, actually. Which is a ridiculously strange thought .
But I’ve forgotten how to write. I’ve forgotten how I used to feel when there was emotion burning up inside me so intensely that I needed to write it down. And what I wrote didn’t always make sense, but it had its’ beauty.
I just came across a document full of poems I wrote, and to my surprise, even reading them back, they’re pretty good. Sometimes, in the midst of my critical eye for my copywriting, I forget how it is that I ended up a creative writing major, that I ended up published a time or two, that I ended up sought after – it’s because I’m good at writing. It’s because I used to fake sick and stay home from school so I could work on a story that was imprinting itself on my brain. It’s because I used to be able to make people feel emotions with the words I put down on a page. Emotions that weren’t just “Buy this product”.
And I haven’t felt that for a long time.
Life is busier, now. Life is full of work and friends and events and all sorts of really wonderful things. But sometimes it’s so full that I don’t make room for anything else. There isn’t room, or time, or emotion enough left over to create something beautiful. And it makes me sad, because I don’t want to forget why I love to write, or the characters I’ve created, or the poems I wrote in the margins of college notebooks when I should have been listening to lectures on 19th century American Literature.
It’s hard not to lose yourself out here in the ‘real world’. It’s hard to tug your own heartstrings to find the emotions you’re looking for, the intensity that was so rampant once you thought it would drive you crazy. Because we’ve grown up, and we’re adults, and we reason through our feelings logically, rather than letting ourselves feel them.
And I want to get back to that place of feeling and intensity, at least from time to time. Because I miss it. And it’s time to dust off the cobwebs.