I am, generally speaking, a very happy person. Anyone in my life can attest to that, and I’m sure many of them can also attest to the fact that sometimes they want to smack me upside the head. Unfortunately, I don’t know if that would do much to alter my state of being.
Honestly, I used to consider myself a fairly cynical person until I got out into the ‘real world’ and realized that compared to everyone else, I basically shit rainbows. And sometimes I look around and I don’t understand why people around me aren’t happier, and I try to make them happier. Because to me, there’s nothing better than making someone smile (yes, you may go into a corner and vomit at that statement if you wish).
Here’s the thing that gets me, though. Oftentimes it seems that the people who don’t know me well assume that I’m happy because either A) Nothing bad has ever happened to me, B) I’m vapid and ignorant, or C) I live my life in a self-created lie of perfection and simply pretend that bad things don’t happen.
None of which, as you may expect from me writing this post, are true. Some days, I wake up and I’m miserable. Some days I’m angry or upset or hurting. But I don’t take that out into public with me, because I don’t want anyone’s day to be worse for having interacted with me. I want their day to be better. So I take it to my best friends, who always make me feel better, and I remind myself that whatever I’m upset about (usually) just won’t matter in the long run. I’ve spent several years getting to the point I am right now, a point of being emotionally self-aware but also keeping my troubles in mind within the grand scheme of things. I got to where I am because some really terrible things happened to me and to some people I love, and I spent several years in therapy discussing those things and learning how to deal with them in a healthy way. Because to me, part of being an adult is dealing with issues in a way that doesn’t hurt yourself or those around you. So when I start to find myself in a dark place again, I take stock of my emotions, and I move forward in a way that is healthiest for me. I don’t ignore, I don’t lie to myself – I just deal with the problem at hand and resolve to focus on the good things in my life while I work through the issue. Given the choice between letting something ruin my day or letting it roll off my shoulders, I’d rather let it roll off. I’d rather forget about my misery and do something nice for someone, even if it’s just a little thing.
I’m a remarkably lucky person. I’ve worked hard, but I’ve also had some really good breaks. And that combination has landed me at a job I love, living in a great apartment, surrounded by wonderful people. Even when things are terrible, I still wouldn’t trade who I am or what I’m doing for anything. And maybe that’s what makes me so happy. Knowing there is nowhere else I’d rather be than right where I am. But I didn’t walk here through a field of sunshine and roses.
My happiness and my positivity is a choice. I’ve met people who have been through unimaginable hardships in their lives who are more kind and positive than I am. I’ve also met people who are the opposite. How you act every day, how you approach every situation, is a choice. And sometimes it’s a tough one, but I have never been sorry for smiling a little more.