I’m 24 years old, and my life is generally together. I live in a nice apartment, I have a job doing what I love, I’ve got great friends, and I have no emotionally crippling issues (thank you, therapy). But being an adult is still damn tricky business, and I’m constantly screwing up. My solution? Bathtub drinking and Barry Manilow. Yes, I’m a fanilow, and yes, I’m the only person I know under the age of 40 who can belt out all of the lyrics to “Weekend in New England” with the fervor of someone who actually has romantic summer affairs at the seaside. Which, in fact, I don’t. But here is why this combination is the perfect way to survive failures in adulting:
1. Bubble baths make everything better.
Hot water + bubbles is the perfect way to relax, de-stress, treat yourself, wallow in self pity – whatever you’re in the mood to do.
2. Alcohol makes everything WAY better.
You’re an adult. You can drink. Why on earth would you not do it in a bathtub? A chilled glass of wine or cold gin and tonic (my personal go-to) is the perfect way to keep from getting overheated, and a bath buzz is pretty much the best. Just don’t fall asleep and/or sink. Drowning should be avoided.
3. It’s emotion-time.
Everyone has that one song or artist that just gets them every time. For me, it’s Barry Manilow. Mandy. Even Now. Weekend in New England. Are you kidding me? Emotional lyrics and a predictable key change as the orchestra swells – these songs just need to be belted out. If you need a good cry, now would be the time. Feel all the feels, no one is around to judge you. Let it all go, and do it in the bathtub.
4. It’s thinking-time.
Some folks do their best thinking in silence, but I prefer a little musical accompaniment to stop myself from getting too morose. It can be hard not to dwell on your screw-ups, so let yourself think about it for a song, then focus on something else when the track changes. Okay, I fucked up. I’ll just use this song to wallow, take large sips of my drink, and think of how terrible it all is. Oh, the song changed? All right, things aren’t going to be terrible forever. In the scheme of things, this isn’t the end of the world. I’ll be okay.
5. It’s a little bit ridiculous.
Drinking naked in a tub listening to the ballads of a 70-something showman at 24 years old is a little bit ridiculous. But so am I, and so is life. Bathtub drinking and Barry Manilow is the perfect reminder not to take everything so seriously. Sometimes laughing at yourself is the best way to get through a crisis.
So, that’s how I adult. Or at least, how I get through misadventures in adulting. I’ve got to run now though, there’s a commercial on for cat toys and I’m getting a new cat tomorrow.
I wonder how she feels about Barry Manilow …